Hipsters Invade Anyville
National Town Focus – 1 hour ago
In a startling outcome of the recent battle of the beaches, hipsters began to descend in droves on Monday upon the tiny town of Anyville. The Battle of the Beaches began in May when Anyville’s Board of Tourism launched its smear campaign against beaches in an attempt to draw vacationers to their lakeside resort and cabins.
Municipal Mayors of beachfront communities across the nation responded with a media blitz that is to-date unparalleled. Thousands upon thousands of advertisements hit the web, print and television. The most famous of these ads, stated, “Anyville? The name says it all. Come visit a real vacation spot – Coral Shores: We have it all.”
Mayor Richard Greene, Anyville, was unavailable to comment, but sources close to the mayor indicated that he had no prior knowledge that Dwight Hokkum, the sole member of the Anyville Board of Tourism, planned such an ill-fated advertising campaign.
“They’re everywhere!” lamented one Anyvillian, who asked to remain anonymous.
“Business is booming,” Clem, the barber and former Mayor of Anyville, told reporters happily. “The hipster kids are lining up for my famous fifteen-dollar haircuts.”
Vince DeLuca, owner of the Joint, Anyville’s Coffeehouse, remarked that his sales were up as well. These sentiments were echoed by most restaurateurs and local business people in the town and on the outskirts.
The local populace, however, had quite a different view. “They’re in the park, the shops, the pier, the streets…you can’t take a step without bumping into one of them,” complained Mrs. Frieda Botherton, who ushered her children along with a, “get in the car!”
It is not known how long the invading hipsters plan to remain in Anyville, however, experts suggest that on July 3rd, they will all depart so as not to be in the right place on the fourth of July.
- Tip Witherton, reporting from Anyville, National Town Focus, June 19, 2014